Godfrey’s View

My first day working with the learning hub, was and still is a moment that feels unreal because of my past and my criminal record but so real because having lived experience I witnessed a lot of unfortunate circumstances during my time in prison. Everyone makes me feel so comfortable and there are times when I’m sitting there and someone drops acronym or a term I may not understand and the one thing about me I am certainly not afraid to put my hand up and say “what does that mean?”,   How else am I going to be able to learn and grow? 

Before I went to prison, I always viewed it as a gym stop because everyone I knew would go in and come out looking huge and super fit. As a spectator I always thought the place can’t be that bad until I landed there as a prisoner, prison feels like its own world especially when I was in a London prison that was like 30 mins from my house I felt so close yet so far it felt crazy.  My very first week in prison I remember receiving a little piece of paper under my door saying “a person on the wing has died and if you need any support let us know”. I was so curious and had many questions like how did he die? Who saw him? Like it was a bizarre moment for me.  It was as if everyone was so accustomed to it, no one seemed at all shocked or anything. Whilst I was in, we got more and more of those letters. I was still so curious.

One day I see a prisoner just come back from court he was talking to an officer but it was time for role count so the officer became dismissive and put the prisoner straight in the cell and banged us all up. This was normal regime and we were all used to it. The following morning, we heard a loud scream followed by lots of keys jingling and pacing footsteps. It turns out the prisoner from the day before had just received a long sentence and very sadly took their own life.

This had me wondering about all the things that could have been different; if the officer just spoke to him could that had made a difference or if he was signposted to healthcare or chaplaincy or spoke to listeners, could that had made a difference? All these questions were going through my mind and the next day the officer that found him was at back at work which was also very questionable for me – how can you be ok if you have just been a part of that?

These are moments that have always played on my mind, I know I can make a change and will make change. Tragic events in prison are very common but the outside world may not be as aware and a lot of people seem to really think prison is a walk in the park.  I can tell you first hand it isn’t and I 100% have witnessed a lot of traumatic events. My role in the HJLH is a chance to bring my experience and my voice to the work and to try and work to change a system that needs changing for staff and for the people inside.